BOY
BOY by Jules' Glass Bottle
Drape the tie around your neck; cross wide end over narrow end and continue around; pass wide end across the front of the narrow again; pass wide end through loop; hold the front of knot loose with index finger; remove finger then tighten knot; comb your hair to the left with gel; don’t let it grow too long; this is how to shave facial hair—don’t cut yourself; but my hair is too curly to comb to the left; this is how to wear cologne; make sure your pants and dress shirt have no wrinkles; button the top of your shirt; properly fold your cuffs so they reach just below your elbow; make sure your fly is zipped; stick to khakis only; always wear a belt; this is how to properly tie your dress shoes; keep them clean, even if you have to use your own spit; don’t sit with your legs crossed; don’t tease other girls; don’t go around kissing every one you see, to prevent yourself from looking like a player; but I’m too shy to talk to girls; this is how to go fishing; this is how to go hunting–always wear camouflage; this is how to earn your keep; this is how to deliver newspapers; this is how to study; this is how to be a father; this is how to save for your first car; this is how to drive it; this is how to change a tire; this is how to decipher a map; this is how to use a compass; listen to your elders—you are never right; this is how to love a woman, and if this doesn’t work—prove yourself worthy, get a bouquet of roses; remember pride comes before fall; is it true that you cry often?; don’t be sensitive–this world isn’t kind to the weak; this is how to skip a stone; this is how to play baseball; this is how to play soccer; this is how to play football; but I only cry when something sad happens, never in front of people; be a gentleman—the first to open every door; you need to have good posture to accentuate your height; this is how to use a gun at a range; this is how to fix a broken pipe; this is how to mow the grass; this is how to repair a roof; this is how to fix a squeaky hinge; this is how to avoid drinking too much; always formally greet your coworkers; but I’ve never used a tool before, I’m not a good handyman; this is how to spit on the grass, quickly so it doesn’t hang in the air; remember to take your cap off in Church; don’t burp in Church–mind your manners; this is how to kiss a lady on the cheek in greeting; don’t listen to secular music; always give your ten percent; move out by eighteen to build a life of your own—don’t be a momma’s boy; this is how to eat double portions; always work out, your muscle is your whole appearance; but what if I can’t be strong?; you mean to say that after all you are really going to be the type of man who women won’t so much as glance at?
